Nope

The following column was sent to two proofreaders plus one other. One totally objected and the other two thought revisions were necessary. To which I simply smiled and replied, “Nope.”

A friend worries about getting older. I remind him I’m older which makes him smile. Another says, “I’m too old to do that anymore.” We older folk sometimes complain about aches and pains which result from just waking up in the morning.

I would, however, like to offer some advantages of getting older. First of all, if retired, you don’t work for anyone anymore. You don’t have to do things you don’t want to do just because the boss says so. In fact, if someone tells you, you must do something you don’t want to do, you can tell them to do something with themselves that isn’t literally possible.

The biggest advantage is, we begin to realize we’re powerless to change the world to suit ourselves. Now that may seem like a disadvantage but it really isn’t. When I was younger I’d charge in and try to fix things I knew were wrong. I would try to get other folks to do what I thought even though I often couldn’t convince even my own children to follow my sterling advice. I occasionally made some difference but, since the world is still a mess, I clearly failed to make permanent changes. I’ve just about given up on the notion that the world will come to its senses and make me ruler, judge and jury, over all things.

Now, when someone presents a problem with the assumption that I should go charging into the fray, I smile and say, “Blessings on you. Do your best.”

I’ve gotten a few strange looks from folks who then realize I was sending them out to battle without me volunteering to aid in the cause.

It is a relief to let go of the delusion of responsibility for making the world behave reasonably. Instead of seeking transformation of the world I simply look for little places where I can help but decline tilting at windmills.

With age one learns the power of “NO”. Just because it suits someone else for me to attend, take care of, or opine about something, no longer fills me with even a smidgen of obligation. There are always people who want, expect, demand that others do what they think is necessary to be righteous but we older folks can just smile and say nicely, “No.” Importantly, when trying out the power of “No” do not offer further explanations. The moment you say why they’ll start to argue with your reason. Instead, when they ask, “Why not?”, simply say “You know” and roll your eyes. Then leave while they’re still trying to figure out what that could have meant.

At worst, developing such an attitude will get you a reputation of being difficult or senile, neither of which creates a problem for those of us who’re tired of pretending to need approval.