Epictetus

It was as asinine a comment as is possible to make. Not only was it ignorant, it showed an utter distain for logic, and history as well. I felt the instant urge to correct, to educate, to defend truth, and then old Epictetus intervened. Considering Epictetus lived 2,000 years ago it was an extraordinary achievement on his part. Yes, the old guy is still spry enough to prevent me, at least occasionally, from responding to stupidity.

Epictetus was a Greek philosopher, concerned with ethics. He was, as far as I know, the first to point out the obvious option when we are severely annoyed. He even went so far as to say, if someone causes us to lash out in response, we are complicit. We’re responsible for how we respond, even emotionally.

As Viktor Frankl put it many years later, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space, and in that space is our power to choose our response.”

The problem is, our ego gets in the way. Someone says something we believe to be false and we jump to the defense of our opinions. We interpret our opinions as synonymous with ourselves. Of course, the reality is, our opinions are not us, they’re the product of our culture. Our opinions are the culmination of things we’ve read and heard, and, perhaps only occasionally experienced.

Not only are we defending something which was, almost certainly, not our own idea in the first place but, if all we do is respond to stimulus, we effectively are cancelling our own free will. That’s a lesson that is worth keeping in mind. If we encounter someone who does not or will not value our words the only logical response is silence.

Children react emotionally to virtually all stimulus. If someone says something they deem to be insulting or wrong they feel compelled to react.

Many years ago, a friend and I took our children to the beach. My friend was a the sort of genius who had the wonderful capacity to look at something, or hear something, and immediately be able to condense it into simple language which revealed what was important. As we watched our children playing he casually commented, “Childhood is so vivid.”

As adults we are, hopefully, capable of training ourselves to put stimulus aside and not respond. We can practice awareness that there exists a gap that between stimulus and response. We do not have to let others pull our strings. When someone seeks to knock us off balance by imposing their opinion or by challenging ours we don’t have to respond. We don’t have to be knocked over. We can choose silence.

It is disconcerting to realize there are people in our world who deliberately try to create anger and pain in others. When we’re faced with such folks we’re only encouraging them when we react. That gives them what they desire but we don’t have to react. Our free will exists in the gap. Epictetus said so.