Fido Flamethrower

A friend commented recently that she hadn’t seen me out walking very much with The Mighty Shmooie. I told her, at thirteen and a half, Shmooie had slowed down a lot and, frequently, didn’t want to walk. She asked the question that usually accompanies such information, “Will you get another dog when he’s gone?”

The answer to that is, “Not for awhile anyway.” We already have two other dogs on the property, and I plan on doing a lot of traveling which makes having a pet problematic.

I said that before I saw an article that definitely got my attention. An Ohio company is selling a robot dog that comes equipped with a flamethrower! According to the article, this fantastic critter can be had for under $10,000. Okay, that’s still way out of my budget but, with time and mass production, the price could come down substantially.

Just imagine the possibilities. In the winter your faithful pet robot could clear your driveway and walks of snow quite efficiently. The runoff might create an ice problem but compared with the fun of it all, that’s nothing.

Now, what are the possibilities other than snow removal? In this season when we’re likely to get candidates coming to our doors trying to convince us voting for them is the only way to save western civilization, a flamethrowing robot dog could come in quite handy.

It did cross my mind that some folks might harbor a desire to use Fido the Flamethrower for more nefarious purposes than snow and candidate removal. Sure enough, the first person I told about it immediately suggested the technology could be adapted to be installed on our vehicles. The headlights, he proposed, could become powerful weapons. I understand his inclination since he’s having a particularly difficult time right now in his job and one individual, in particular, really does deserve a visit from Fido the Flamethrower.

Still, I suppose using our robot dog or car to encourage appropriate behavior from the doofuses of this world would likely result in lawsuits and incarceration which would not be welcome.

Still, it’s a nice fantasy. Fido would not need to be walked, a bit of oil occasionally and a refill for the weaponry would be all that was necessary. You wouldn’t have to worry his barking might annoy the neighbors, although you’d have to be careful he didn’t develop the emotional wherewithal to take a dislike to annoying passersby.

Even with the drawbacks, it does present the opportunity for flights of imagination about the possibility of arming household appliances. Okay, maybe having a vacuum cleaner that incinerates dust bunnies instead of picking them up might have unintended consequences for household insurance. We could, however, equip that same vacuum cleaner with artificial intelligence so it would admonish the children to pick up their toys if they wanted help cleaning their room.

Yes, technology can be great but I suppose it’s worth remembering that just because we can build something, doesn’t mean we should.