Talling It Like it Was

Yep it’s often been a bit breezy, but according to John Melrude of Alma, Montana you ain’t seen nothing yet. John’s ‘Tale of A Windy Day.’ “Sure it’s windy today. Not too bad at that. Say, back in twenty-four there really as wind. Not a breeze just like now. I remember, spring of twenty-four it blowed so hard it started to lift rocks up off the ground. I was breakin’ a forty of prairie that was rocky, and I had a tough time. Had to keep my arm in front of my face. At that, I had black eyes from them danged rocks all spring.”

Thomas Polly of Billings relates a tale about Charlie Russell and the Tenderfoots. “I worked for a while on a ranch in the Judith Basin country. There’s where I met and worked with Charley Russell, the artist. After a roundup, a bucking contest, branding, or most anything that happened on the range, you would see Charley in the bunkhouse that evening with some wrapping paper and a pencil a-drawin what took place. Most everybody remarked when they observed his drawings that were very true to life.

What I wanted to tell you was what a jobber Charley was. There was a tenderfoot came to the ranch one day, and he was crazy to learn to ride hoses. He took to Charley right away. Russell took great care in explaining everything about the West to the novice from the East. The principle worry to the tenderfoot was if he should get bucked off, what could he do to stick to the saddle.

“Wells,” drawls Charley, “we have a method we always use for you fellas and it works every time.” “What is it?” eagerly asked the tenderfoot.

“We generally use molasses. Smear some on the saddle seat. You know, it’ll hold you in the saddle when the horse wants to throw you out.” “Where can I get some?” “Oh, from the cook at the chuckwagon. But I think he’s about out of it. Better run over and see.”

With that the tenderfoot would be off like a flash. I and the rest of the boys were wise to Charley’s tricks and knew he’d put something over on the newcomer sooner or later. We’d work right along with him. Of course, it was all we could do to keep from laughing right out loud.

The tenderfoot came back with the can of molasses and went through the prescribed course. Naturally, he’d get throwed. Sometimes we would substitute Charley’s best saddle for the old one he had on the horse. This was jobbing Charley, and if he caught it in good time, he would suddenly order the tenderfoot not to use molasses for it wasn’t so good after all.”

Guy Rader collected the following story. ‘Kid Curry Meets Brother Van’ “Years ago, when Kid Curry and his gang held up the Great Northern train at Exeter Siding, four miles west of Malta, there was one passenger who left the scene a richer man.

On the train was W.A. Van Orsdel, an old-time Methodist preacher known to all and sundry as Brother Van. He viewed with interest the businesslike manner in which the collection was taken up by Curry as, hat in one hand and six-gun in the other, the out-law sauntered down the aisle. At last, the Kid shoved his hat in front of Brother Van for the latter to “shell out.”

The preacher complied with the request but the result was discouraging. Curry looked puzzled at the loose change that clinked into the hat and inquired, “How come?” A man traveling on the railroad would naturally have more money than that.

“I’m a preacher,” explained Brother Van. “You are?” exclaimed Curry, beginning to understand. “What kind of a preacher?” “I’m a Methodist.”

A twinkle appeared in the eye of the famous outlaw. “I’m sort of a Methodist myself,” he grinned as he handed Brother Van a five’-dollar bill.”

Old timers always had a cure for everything and a remedy for every ache and pain or illness. So a few cures for snakebites from the ‘Jugoslavian Doctor Book’. ‘Cures for Snakebites’ “For rattlesnake bit, kill a chicken and put fresh meat of chicken on the bite. For snakebite, chop off the head of the snake, pound the head of the snake to pulp with a rock, place smashed head over the snakebite. Or, pound the bones of snake to a powder. Put powder of snake bones on the snakebite.

Russian people put live frogs’ stomach over the bite of the snake – put a different frog on every ten minutes. May need four or five frogs. The first frog jumps quite a bit, the next one less and less and the fifth one very little.”

Glendolin Wagner recounted the following tale. ‘Bucky, the Biggest Liar in Montana Territory’ “Bucky was one those cowboys. He ran 30 Mile Ranch and was reputedly the biggest liar in Montana territory, although many others unsuccessfully boasted of that distinction. One day Bucky was riding range many miles from any humans, when his horse chanced to stumble into a prairie dog hole and fell, pinning Bucky securely underneath. For a time, he lay there gazing up into a blazing sky not conscious of any suffering until the first numbness wore off and then acute sickening pains began to shoot through him and Bucky knew that his leg was broken.

He tried grimly to wriggle free of the dead weight of his horse but every cautious movement sent agonizing stabs of pain through him. He was in a serious predicament. He shouted, doubtless cursed energetically, smoked and shouted, cursed and waited, anxious eyes searching the plains for a passing rider. Night fell and a chill wind crept over the silent prairie and still no one came to the rescue. By this time Bucky had reached this dramatic moment in the story and he had thoroughly impressed his listeners with the gravity of the situation. One of them who should have known better broke out, “What did you do Bucky?”

“Me?” answered Bucky. “Why I finally had to walk eight miles to find a pole with which to pry that darned hoss off my leg.”

If you’ve liked some of these Tall Tales that were once told around the campfire at night or on a cold winter night when the dark night seemed to go on forever; stop by the library and ask for the Ornery Bunch. (And no, we’re not talkin about the staff people!)